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Mama’s bank account is sobbing….

Yesterday I wrote that post all about how my kid is starting school and I’m sobbing in the corner, right? Well, now, my bank account has joined in because Holy Donuts, Batman! the crap you need to send to the school house.

Apparently, I’m sending in enough supplies for every student there, or some such.

Although Thing 1’s list isn’t long, it’s weird, because some of the supplies are….well, okay, here’s the list (my commentary is in blue):

  • Backpack (large enough to hold library books, two folders and school supplies) Because I was planning on sending my kid to school with one of those Polly Pocket sized backpacks. Figured that would be fine, also cheaper than the eleventybillion dollar Cars backpack that he now decided he doesn’t really want because the Toy Story one was so much cooler and OHMYGOSH! is that a Transformer on a backpack and Mama’s gonna need something a little stronger than water to get her through this one.
  • (2) two pocketed folders But the one-pocketed-pocket folders were so! much! cheaper! (Do they make folders with just one pocket? Because if so? I need to find one and see it, just because.)
  • (4) dry erase markers (any color!) Wait….what?
  • (2) packs of snacks for (20) students to be shared with class. (No peanut products!) Ok, see this one always bothers me. Not that I mind bringing in enough snacks for the rest of the class, but I’m always at a loss as to what I should bring because I have that whole Mama-inferiority complex where I feel like no matter what I bring there will be some mother that smirks at the snacks and says to her kid, “Oh, Apple, honey, don’t eat that, it’s not organic. It’s filled with yucky chemicals and preservatives. Yuck-ee. Here, have an organic somesuch nonesense that Mommy brought specifically for you.
  • School box for markers, crayons, etc. Nah, I thought I’d just give my kid a Ziploc. Worked great for me. Whut?
  • (2) packs of 24 crayons Ok, way to be precise there.
  • (2) packs of 8 markers (Only Crayola brand, please) Heh. We’re brand snobs anyways, so no way my kid was showing up with anything other than Crayola brand. Is there anything other than Crayola brand?
  • (8) No. 2 pencils Once again, weirdly precise.
  • (2) tubs of Clorox wipes The brand thing, again. Why only clorox ones? I’ve got ten tubs of Lysol ones in my closet, are those not okay? Did Apple’s Mama say that they are bad? Is that what it is?

See? The list in and of itself is no big deal. Except when you go to the Big Box Store to buy the crap and the kid’s like, “No, Mama, don’t want crappy yellow pencils, I have to have the ones with racecars on them! Vroom, Vroom!” or Thing 2 is screaming, “How come you ain’t getting me anything, Mama? Don’t you like me?” and then that shopping trip for a few things turns in to a buggy full of crap because you had to get everything with a character on it and of course we changed our mind two billion, one hundred, times and why is Mama getting all red faced and stomping away from the school section of the store muttering about the crappy Big Box Store crap with characters on it costing ten times more than the generic stuff which is just the same anyway?

Ahem.

You know what would be easier? Let’s just get rid of all the crap with the characters on it, and just have regularly colored generic crap so that I can get in, get out, and get on with my life, okay?

Thanks bunches.

I thought I had a few years for the character craze to set in, apparently I was mistaken. Sadly, sorely mistaken. I apologize, bank account.

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That’s me in the corner … sobbing like an idiot.

Thing 1 starts school in a week and a half. Granted, he *technically* starts school in a week, because he’s going to daycare with his sister for three days while *I* start school, but still: my baby is growing up!

Waaaaaaaah.

As excited as I am for him, I’m also a little sad. For me. Totally selfish, I know, but in a few weeks, he’ll be telling me, “That’s not what teacher said, Mommy, you’re wrong” and then I’ll have to fight with my hard noggined kid for twenty minutes because some things Mama actually knows but he doesn’t know that yet.

I also might have to crawl out of the corner, stop the rocking back and forth and sobbing, so that I can actually go to school myself, and ya know, pass, so McHusband isn’t all, “What the hell-0 are we paying for if you are just gonna stay home all day and cry like a big baby? Huh?” and then that might cause some marrital issues.

Wait….what was I talking about?

Oh, right, the kid starting school.

Waaah. And some such.

 

In which the kid that DIDN’T get shots had a fit….and Mama almost lost her schmidt.

On Tuesday, I had to take the kids to get their dreaded shots for school. This is the worst thing in the world for me to have to do, especially alone. I absolutely loathe going, but understand that it’s something that has to be done.

Ugh.

I was prepared for each kid to get three shots (I know. Three is a lot. Ugh.) and I wasn’t doing very good at coping beforehand.

When we got there, the DR informed me that Thing 2 needed zero shots, but Thing 1 still needed three. I almost jumped for joy. Not because my poor little son had to get three shots but because the Drama Queen didn’t have to get any.

So, I promised Thing 1 that if he didn’t cry, and if he didn’t freak out, we’d stop by McCrackHouse [McDonald’s] afterwards and get him some apple dippers (the kid loves apple dippers). He did so great. He didn’t cry, he didn’t wince and he was so freaking brave. It was amazing.

That’s what apple dippers will do to the boy.

The DR gave both kids a sticker and Thing 1 a book, because he was the one that got the shots.

When we got to the front to get copies of the records, Thing 2? Lost her schmidt. She started screaming that she didn’t want shots and that she really, really, really wanted a book and MAMA! why are we still here?

She then plopped her butt down on the ground a refused to move.

I just stared at her. And counted to three. It didn’t work, so I counted to ten. Nope. (I was counting in my head to calm myself down)

I said to her, in my Mama’s Gonna Kick Some Butt voice, “Get up. Get up right. now.

She stood up and continued to bawl. at the top. of her lungs.

I was embarassed. I was angry. I was befuddled. Mostly, I was in a hurry to get the hell-o out of that place and speed away.

I’m not sure what her problem was, other than Thing 1 getting a book and her not getting one, which is not even a big deal.

All I know is that when I got into my vehicle and she finally stopped having a fit, I looked at her and said, “If you ever do that again, you will never go anywhere with me again. Ever.”

And then I called McHusband and informed him that next year? Shot duty is his.

Movies I adore…..part 1

Because the word “love” just doesn’t say it well enough, here are some movies that I freaking adore.

In no particular order (this may get really long, sorry in advance)

Look Who’s Talking; Look Who’s Talking, Too; and Look Who’s Talking Now

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There’s possibly nothing cuter than smart-ass little talking babies, except for talking doggPhotobucketies. Even at a young age (the first movie came out in 1989 — I was 3!) I would sit, riveted by this movie. I didn’t get the beginning of it, for sure, because I couldn’t figure out why they were showing tadpoles, but whatever. I loved it then, still do now.

One of the things I’ve always loved about the movie, even from a young age? John Travolta. Oh, even yesser. (Not so much now, but….) I have to admit, since I was about 10, I wanted to grow up and marry John Travolta. I mean, sure, there was that whole “age” issue, but pshaw, I would be way too mature and grown up to worry about that.Photobucket

Some of my favorite lines:

Mollie: I’m a very understanding person, Albert. I understand that you are going through a selfish phase. And, I’m sure that you will understand that I am going through a destructive phase.

James: Whoa! You really got your figure back, didn’t you?
Mollie: This is not my figure!
James: Well then, you got Dolly Parton’s figure back!

*********From the 2nd movie***********

James: Mike, this is a potty okay? Now when you wanna take a piss …
Mollie: Don’t say piss.
James: Okay, when you wanna take a whiz …
Mollie: Ugh!
James : What? “See a man about a horse”? “Drain the snake”? What do you want me to say?
Mollie: Pee-pee.
James: Pee-pee is such a wimp word.

Mikey: Got you a gift for coming into the world, here it is,
[offers her a stuffed cow]
Mikey: Have a cow, honey.
[Julie begins to bawl]
Mikey: Alright don’t have a cow.

Julie: [when Julie is getting an injection, looking at the needle] What’s that?
Mikey: Oh, God, I can’t watch this part.
Julie: Oh my God!
[cries hysterically]
Mikey: Smarts, does it? Hm? Hurts just a little?
Julie: Will this pain *ever* go away?
Mikey: Maybe it will… or maybe it won’t

******From the 3rd Movie*******

Mikey: I don’t wanna brush my teeth. I brushed them last Saturday!
James: I know, but you’re gonna have plants growing out of your mouth.

Mollie: Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess, and she moved to Queens. The end.
Julie: That’s not a story!
Mollie: It is tonight. Good night.

********************************************************

Grease
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What? Obsessed with John Travolta until I was sixteen, here. Give me a break. That severely influenced my movie tastes, so sue me.

The songs, the dancing, the clothes. God, the clothes. I mean, for the love of holy donuts, how can you not love poodle skirts?

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We did the on-stage version of Grease in High School and it was the most fun production we ever did, the songs and everything really translated nicely over to the stage.

Next up: Moulin Rouge

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I actually fell in love with this movie by accident. It was after the Lady Marmalade song came out, and I really wanted that song on CD, and it came on the Moulin Rouge soundtrack. So, I got my mom to buy it for me and was hooked on the music within a few hours. I didn’t stop listening to that soundtrack until it wore out.

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In any event, one weekend my little brother was at his dad’s house and my mom asked if I wanted to go see Moulin Rouge since I’d done nothing but listen to the soundtrack. She hated the movie and I adored it.

It’s a little “jumpy” — almost kind of like you are on some sort of drug-induced trip at some times, but the music and the costumes make it all worth it. The storyline fell right in to line with what I was obsessed with in my teenage years: love. I’ve always been a believer in love, and that it conquers everything, so this movie resonated with me on that level.

Favorite quotes:

Toulouse: [shouting] The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return

Satine: I don’t need you anymore! All my life you made believe I was only worth what someone would pay for me! But Christian loves me. He loves me! He loves me, Harold. And that is worth everything! We’re going away from you, away from the Duke, away from the Moulin Rouge!

Zidler: The show must go on, Satine. We’re creatures of the underworld. We can’t afford to love.

Christian: Suddenly an unconscious Argentinean fell through my roof.
Christian: He was quickly joined by a dwarf dressed as a nun.

Next: Gone with the Wind

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The only regret I have is that I went until the 8th grade without seeing this move. Being a Southern girl at heart, this movie is visually stunning, captivating and Clark Gable is the hottest, most debonaire man I think I ever did saw. (Oh, lawdy, someone fetch my smellin’ salts.) He was a man’s man, too. He almost quit when he found out he’d have to cry on film, but was convinced to stay.

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I don’t care that the movie is fourtybajillion hours long or that some parts of it are so slow, I almost fall asleep, this is one of my favorite movies of all time. I cannot help but watch it all when I put the DVD in, even if I know I need to get up and do something and I was only plannin’ on fastforwarding to the “good” parts.

The only problem I have is that the book Scarlett (the sequel to Gone with the Wind) wasn’t written early enough for Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh to be able to get together and make it for the silver screen.


Sigh.

Favorite Lines:

Rhett Butler: Here’s a soldier of the South who loves you, Scarlett. Wants to feel your arms around him, wants to carry the memory of your kisses into battle with him. Never mind about loving me, you’re a woman sending a soldier to his death with a beautiful memory. Scarlett! Kiss me! Kiss me… once…

Rhett Butler: Did you ever think of marrying just for fun?
Scarlett: Marriage, fun? Fiddle-dee-dee. Fun for men you mean.

Scarlett: Oh, Rhett, Rhett please don’t say that. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry for everything.
Rhett: My darling, you’re such a child. You think that by saying, “I’m sorry,” all the past can be corrected. Here, take my handkerchief. Never, at any crisis of your life, have I known you to have a handkerchief.
Scarlett: Rhett! Rhett, where are you going?
Rhett: I’m going back to Charleston, back where I belong.
Scarlett: Please, please take me with you!
Rhett: No, I’m through with everything here. I want peace. I want to see if somewhere there isn’t something left in life of charm and grace. Do you know what I’m talking about?
Scarlett: No! I only know that I love you.
Rhett: That’s your misfortune.

Scarlett: As God is my witness, as God is my witness they’re not going to lick me. I’m going to live through this and when it’s all over, I’ll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.

 Trivia:

The character of Ashley Wilkes was based on Margaret Mitchell’s cousin by marriage John “Doc” Holliday. Melanie was based on Mitchell’s third-cousin, and Doc’s first cousin and close friend, Mattie “Sister Melanie” Holliday. Doc moved West and became the gambler and gunfighter we know. Mattie joined a convent and became a nun, but maintained a correspondence with Doc.
 
Leslie Howard was one of the few cast members not to attend the premiere in Atlanta.
 
Leslie Howard originally tried to turn down the movie because, in his fourties, he believed he was too  old to play Ashley. He ended up wearing a hairpiece and extra makeup to make himself look younger.
 
Half a million feet of film were shot. This was all edited down to 20,000 feet.
 
There are more than 50 speaking roles and 2,400 extras in the film.
 
This was not the first movie to use the word “damn”.
 
For the premiere in Atlanta in December 15, 1939, the governor declared a state holiday. Ticket prices for the premiere were 40 times the usual going rate.
 
 
 Part two of Movies I adore sometime this week, hopefully.
 

Suck it, Fancy.

Ha. I love that saying.

Anyways, I’m so excited about something today. I ended up being able to register for the class I’ve been wanting since I saw it in the course catalog: Greek Civilization. I’m so dang excited I can’t contain myself.

I may have peed a little when I saw that it had one spot available and I clicked that sucker so quick that my computer was all, “Whizzuh Whuzzuh? Whatchu talkin’ bout?”

Ahem.

I’m just saying, it was really nice to have something good happen at the end of a sucktastic week.

Back to our regularly scheduled program.

Random Thoughts Part….4?

It’s time for another installment of “Random Thoughts” because a post is not in me today. It’s been a suck-tastic day.

*Bright side of the day: I started another blog. It’s supposed to be social commentary, but we’ll see how it goes. It’s here.

*My husband went on an interview for a new job. Although the bennies (not to mention the pay) is a heckuva lot better, the fact that he’ll be pretty much gone all the time? Not so much. I could rant about Wyoming and their natural gas/oil jobs and how that’s pretty much all that is here and they sometimes treat their people like the Army treated us when McHusband was in it, but that’s an actual post, and I don’t have it in me today.

*I start school in 18 days.

*My house smells like sunscreen. But we haven’t put sunscreen on the last few weeks because we barely go outside because of the demonic hordes of mosquitos and dragonflies (What? It’s my kids that are afraid of bugs. I just don’t want them on me. Or near me. The bugs, not the kids.) Not to mention the fact that it’s been freakishly hot. I mean, we’re not breaking records or anything, but geez.

*I got an awesome deal at Bath & Body Works a few days ago, and you know what? They’ve got their Halloween stuff out. I was so excited I almost did a little dance in the store, because you know what Halloween means? FALL. Fall is my most favorite-ist time of the year, followed by Spring. Winter and Summer can kiss my butt.

*Next week, my children get to be pin-cushions as I get Thing 1 his final round of shots (hopefully!) and Thing 2 her almost last round of shots. Basically, they will be getting at least 2 shots. Each. I would rather jam toothpicks in my nose than deal with this. Which is why they still have shots left to get. Ugh.

*This conversation happened:
Thing 1: Mommy, is it dark yet?
Me: I don’t know, is the sun up?
Thing 1: Yes.
Me: Then, is it dark yet?
Him: No.
Me: Okay.

*We put curtains up in our house. This is monumental. We’ve never put curtains up anywhere that we’ve lived. Mostly because everywhere else had one or two windows, whereas this freakishly small home has overcompensated with windows. Whatever, though, because: curtains! From Wal-Mart, but still: CURTAINS! In my house! It’s a freaking miracle, Bob!

*We found 5,000 acres for sale NorthEast of us. I want 5,000 acres so bad.

*I also want a horse. I want to name him Thunder or her Shasta. I also have a perfect color in mind, but McHusband says purple horses aren’t real, so I have to settle with a brown-ish one. Dream killer.

*Talk radio is starting to depress me, so I have stopped listening to it. I’m getting twitchy. So, tomorrow, I may be curled up in a ball in the corner, but I’m sure I’ll get through this horrible time feasibly well. I hope.

*I got my Shark Steam Mop (Pro? — let’s go with that) and I can’t wait to use it. But that would require me to … clean, so I dunno. Also: I’m pretty sure I may be the only woman alive that jumped up and down and yelled when I opened the package, “OH! It’s here!!!” and then squealed. Yes, I’m totally normal.

Or something.

In My Head: “Burn” by Usher

Note: I like this new blog topic, don’t you? Oh, wait, you don’t know what it is yet. Maybe I should tell you, or something. Have you ever heard a song on the radio and while you are singing along with it, you all of a sudden start hearing these snarktastic comments in your head and you’re all, “Whuck? Where did that come from?” No? Huh. Well, enjoy mine!

Today’s Song is: Burn by Usher

No, I don’t own rights to this song. I really hope no one sues me, this is supposed to be humor. Thanks.

Here’s a video so you can listen to the song while you read the below: (My comments are in blue italics beside/under-ish the song lyrics.)

I don’t understand why / See it’s burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta do /But that don’t mean I want to
Would you just go ahead and pee already, Usher? Geez.
What I’m trying to say is that I-love-you I just / I feel like this is coming to an end
And it’s better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you  / I gotta let it burn
Wait….what?

[Verse 1]
It’s gonna burn for me to say this / But it’s comin from my heart
You have a STD don’t you?
It’s been a long time coming / But we done been fell apart
Really wanna work this out / But I don’t think you’re gonna change
So….now it’s my fault?  
I do but you don’t / Think it’s best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship  / When I’m hurting baby, I ain’t happy baby
Wait…what? I’m sorry this relationship doesn’t revolve around you.  
Plus there’s so many other things I gotta deal with / I think that you should let it burn
What other things do you have to deal with? What does this have to do with me? I don’t think I should listen to you about “letting it burn” because….no, I think I’ll go see a Doctor, thanks.

[Chorus]
When your feeling ain’t the same and your body don’t want to
Wait, what? You can’t get it up? What?  
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain’t jumpin’ like it used to
I’m not even sure what this means. I thought we were breaking up, not going to a party.
Even though this might bruise you
What, how would this….bruise…..me? Huh?
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn
Once again, I think I should check with a doctor, there, but thanks for the advice.

Deep down you know it’s best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
So, you don’t want me, but you don’t want anyone else to want me either? That’s healthy.
But you know that it’s over
We know that it’s through
Not sure about “we” there, you ain’t singing a duet, here, dude.
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

[Verse 2]
Sendin’ pages I ain’t supposed to / Got somebody here but I want you
First, who uses a pager? Second, sucks to be you.
Cause the feelin ain’t the same by myself / Callin’ her your name
That’ll get you in trouble.
Ladies tell me do you understand?
Um, no.
Now all my fellas do you feel my pain?
Ugh.
It’s the way I feel / I know I made a mistake
Now it’s too late / I know she ain’t comin back
What I gotta do now /To get my shorty back
Ooo ooo ooo ooooh
Man I don’t know what I’m gonna do /Without my booo
You’ve been gone for too long  / It’s been fifty-leven days, um-teen hours
Imma be burnin’ till you return (let it burn)
Maybe you shouldn’t have given me that “burning” feeling and I would come back, you a-hole.

[Chorus]

Not repeating the chorus. It’s pretty much not deviating from above.

[Bridge]
I’m twisted cuz one side of me is tellin’ me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (ooooh)
I’m twisted cuz one side of me is tellin’ me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (yeah)
Sucks to be YOU, doesn’t it? I mean, dude, really, if you would’ve kept it in your pants, everything would be good. Geez. Quit whining.

[Breakdown]
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh oooh
Ooh ooh oooh (can ya feel me burnin’?)
Ooh ooh ooh oooh ooh oooh

So many days, so many hours
I’m still burnin’ till you return
GO TO THE DOCTOR! I’m not a doctor and you need a doctor. Dude. Seriously.

[Chorus]

There ya go. Enjoy.

You’re welcome.