Yesterday I wrote that post all about how my kid is starting school and I’m sobbing in the corner, right? Well, now, my bank account has joined in because Holy Donuts, Batman! the crap you need to send to the school house.
Apparently, I’m sending in enough supplies for every student there, or some such.
Although Thing 1’s list isn’t long, it’s weird, because some of the supplies are….well, okay, here’s the list (my commentary is in blue):
- Backpack (large enough to hold library books, two folders and school supplies) Because I was planning on sending my kid to school with one of those Polly Pocket sized backpacks. Figured that would be fine, also cheaper than the eleventybillion dollar Cars backpack that he now decided he doesn’t really want because the Toy Story one was so much cooler and OHMYGOSH! is that a Transformer on a backpack and Mama’s gonna need something a little stronger than water to get her through this one.
- (2) two pocketed folders But the one-pocketed-pocket folders were so! much! cheaper! (Do they make folders with just one pocket? Because if so? I need to find one and see it, just because.)
- (4) dry erase markers (any color!) Wait….what?
- (2) packs of snacks for (20) students to be shared with class. (No peanut products!) Ok, see this one always bothers me. Not that I mind bringing in enough snacks for the rest of the class, but I’m always at a loss as to what I should bring because I have that whole Mama-inferiority complex where I feel like no matter what I bring there will be some mother that smirks at the snacks and says to her kid, “Oh, Apple, honey, don’t eat that, it’s not organic. It’s filled with yucky chemicals and preservatives. Yuck-ee. Here, have an organic somesuch nonesense that Mommy brought specifically for you.”
- School box for markers, crayons, etc. Nah, I thought I’d just give my kid a Ziploc. Worked great for me. Whut?
- (2) packs of 24 crayons Ok, way to be precise there.
- (2) packs of 8 markers (Only Crayola brand, please) Heh. We’re brand snobs anyways, so no way my kid was showing up with anything other than Crayola brand. Is there anything other than Crayola brand?
- (8) No. 2 pencils Once again, weirdly precise.
- (2) tubs of Clorox wipes The brand thing, again. Why only clorox ones? I’ve got ten tubs of Lysol ones in my closet, are those not okay? Did Apple’s Mama say that they are bad? Is that what it is?
See? The list in and of itself is no big deal. Except when you go to the Big Box Store to buy the crap and the kid’s like, “No, Mama, don’t want crappy yellow pencils, I have to have the ones with racecars on them! Vroom, Vroom!” or Thing 2 is screaming, “How come you ain’t getting me anything, Mama? Don’t you like me?” and then that shopping trip for a few things turns in to a buggy full of crap because you had to get everything with a character on it and of course we changed our mind two billion, one hundred, times and why is Mama getting all red faced and stomping away from the school section of the store muttering about the crappy Big Box Store crap with characters on it costing ten times more than the generic stuff which is just the same anyway?
You know what would be easier? Let’s just get rid of all the crap with the characters on it, and just have regularly colored generic crap so that I can get in, get out, and get on with my life, okay?
I thought I had a few years for the character craze to set in, apparently I was mistaken. Sadly, sorely mistaken. I apologize, bank account.