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Stabby! Twitchy! and PMS-y?!

My five year old son has a problem, apparently. He’s PMS-ing today. I think.

See, a few weeks ago, Gymboree was having this ginormously awesome deal thing going on where I got shoes for like two bucks. Problem is? The shoes don’t fit Thing One (which I honestly thought they would, also reason #9596 why I *hate* shopping for kid’s stuff online).

At first, I didn’t realize they didn’t fit. I handed the shoes to Thing One and walked away to find Thing Two’s shoes (she likes to play “hide-n-seek” with her shoes) when I heard grunting. And sighing. And more grunting. I kid you not, the first thing that went through my head was: Oh dear son of a motherlessgoatwhore — please don’t let him be pooping his pants.

He wasn’t, dear readers, your hearts can stop that pitter-patter-ing. He was trying to put his shoes on.

I realized quickly that they weren’t going to fit. I was bummed, because they are super cute shoes.

I said, softly, to Thing One, “Honey, I don’t think those are going to fit, you’re going to break them if you keep trying to put them on.”

What happened next can only be described as a Class A Meltdown.

He huffed! He puffed! He blew my resistance down.

I was taken aback, honestly. This is my good baby. The one that never melts down. The one that never gets upset over shoes not fitting.

I felt bad.

I took him to McCrackHouse (A.K.A “McDonalds”).  He wasn’t happy.

(As an aside, this youngin’ lurves McCrackHouse. That’s why I call it “McCrackHouse” — because he lurves it that much).

He looks at me, stony silent, and says, “Mama, I don’t want this toy. I hate this toy. Throw! It! Away!” — which also perplexed me. This child has been talking about nothing. but. Panda 2. since the commercials came on. Panda two toys are at McCrackHouse right now.

I stared at him, smiled sweetly and asked, “How would you like a Midol?” Because I? Am the Awesome Mommy. Also: because sarcasm flows through my veins. When it comes to my kids, that is. And The Husband.

Also: we’re moving this weekend. Since I didn’t know this until today, I’m a little Stabby McStabbyPants today. Just a tiny bit though.

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