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One. Day.

I wake up cold. I roll over and hit my phone, because it’s beeping. Incessantly. That doesn’t stop it, so I sit halfway up in the bed and fiddle around with it until it stops making that horrible noise.

I look at the time and mumble, “Five more minutes.”

I roll over to shake my husband awake and my hand lands on the cold bed. He’s not there. I sit up, yell out his name before I realize that he doesn’t live here anymore. In my near-sleep state, I’d forgotten. Again.

The shock hits me anew, like it does almost every morning. My body shakes and I fight back the urge to scream and throw something.

No, not because we’re getting a divorce, because we aren’t.

Rather, I feel cheated.

Absolutely cheated.

I miss my husband so much that it hurts. I want to talk to him every second of every day. I have heard my entire life that the whole “obsessive” crazy thing wears off after the first two years of marriage, after the first kid is born, after the first time you walk in on the other using the bathroom, after you gain weight. All of these lines have been crossed, sometimes by accident, but they’ve been crossed.

We’ve been married almost 7 years and I want nothing more than to crawl in to bed next to him, tangle myself in his blanket and snuggle up next to him.

I want nothing more than his kids to be able to jump on him in the morning, giggling with glee at waking their daddy up.

I want nothing more than our lives to, for once, be normal and completely and totally in sync with one another.

For some reason, whether it’s Fate or God or just us being stupid, this doesn’t seem to happen for us. Being married isn’t easy for us.

It’s hard work.

To try to keep up the smiles, the happiness in the face of overwhelming sadness and depression, and to keep up the “normal” feeling of having a happy “home” in the same state.

I feel like I can’t tell him any of this, and it’s driving me insane.

I know, I know, there are many wives out there that have to live with the fear of having someone tell them their husband passed away during war. I lived with this fear for a while, although he hasn’t deployed since we’ve been worried, the possibility was always in the back of my mind, and I thank God every day that he decided to get out of the Army and think of his family.

I know, I know, there are many things worse than only seeing him for one week a month.

I get told this everyday by people that are just trying to make me see the glass as half full.

But, once, I’d just like for someone to see it as half empty with me, because although I have empathy for all the bad things that happen to other people, sometimes? I just want to feel bad for me. For my kids. For my husband. For my family.

So, yeah, I get it, things suck for everyone. But today? I just want to focus on how much things suck for me. Just for today, ok?

I just need that one day.

Halloween Costumes & Presents

We finally tried on the costumes. By “we” — I mean “the kids” tried on their costumes, cuz Mama don’t dress up.

As you can see, the costumes are adorable.

And the costumes seem to fit well.

Now to the “presents” part of my title. My birthday is next month and it’s kind of a big one (25) — so my wonderful, adorable, great husband has decided that buying me presents now is a good idea, as well as buying me presents then.

Do I mind this? Hell to the no. I do not mind.

This is what I got yesterday:

Isn’t it PRETTY? You know what it is? It’s a model of the solar system. In the form of a bracelet.

I’m a geek, and I embrace it.

Apparently, so does my husband.

LOVE.

Siri

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My new friend and I are really enjoying one another. Well, I’m enjoying her, she’s a Computerized Personal Assistant, so I don’t think she has feelings.

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I don’t know, though, I could be wrong.

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I love asking her things and then screen capping the responses to show other people.

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Because they are funny, not because I think that I’m better than anyone because I have a Siri.

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I just want to share her awesomeness with everyone.

My Weekend in iPhone Pictures

We went and saw The Lion King 3D this weekend. It didn’t really *need* to be done in 3D in my opinion, because the movie is amazing in and of itself, but the 3D aspect did add depth to it, which was really nice.

The great thing about going to see 3D movies is the funny hipster glasses. The kids loved wearing them and so did I. Aren’t we cute?

The kiddos in their glasses waiting for the movie to begin. So. Adorbs.

After the movie, we walked around the mall and saw this. I’m not one to pass up a sale, no matter what kind, so we went in.

And got a puppy!

Just kidding. We really didn’t. But we held this little guy for about an hour. He wanted to come home with me. He told me.

Then Thing 2 showed me her cute costume she made at school, which she for some reason didn’t show me at the beginning of the weekend.

You guys have no idea how much I am loving my iPhone 4S. Despite the great pics it takes, Siri and I are totally making out on a daily basis.

I asked her to marry me.

She said she couldn’t.

I may or may not have been saddened by that.

Are you drowning or waving?

I feel a lot like I’m drowning recently, but the title is a song lyric and has little to do with this post except that the following will be song lyrics that my kids butcher on a daily basis. They are quite hilarious.

Pumped Up Kicks” by Foster the People 

My kids sing: All you kids with the pop-tart kicks, you better run, better run faster than my mommy!

Actual lyrics: All the other kids with the pumped-up kicks better run, better run, faster than my bullet.

Colours” by Grouplove  

Kids: I am a man, man, man, man stuck up in the air, and I run around ’round ’round this down down and I don’t have no hair.

Actual lyrics: I am a man, man, man, man up, up in the air and I run around ’round ’round  ’round this town, town and act like I don’t care.

Wheel in the Sky” by Journey 

Kids: Oh the wheel in the sky is a’burning, I don’t know why it’s tomorrow.

Actual Lyrics: Oh, the wheel in the sky keeps on turning, I don’t know where I’ll be tomorrow.

Telephone” by Lady Gaga

Kids: Stop calling, stop calling, I don’t wanna drink anymore, I left my head and my arm on the dance floor. Stop tele-funkin’ me.

Actual Lyrics: Stop calling, stop calling, I don’t wanna think anymore. I left my head and my heart on the dance floor. Stop telephoning me.

Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen 

Kids: How d’ya think I’m gonna get a log without you on my own? You took me for everything I said and kicked me outta my phone. Are ya happy? Are ya saggy fried?

Actual: How d’ya think I’m gonna get a long without you when you’re gone? You took me for everything that I had and kicked me out on my own. Are ya happy? Are ya satisfied?

Give up the Funk” by The Glee Cast 

Kids: We won’t do funk. Give us the funk. We peed on funk. Gotta have that punk. We gonna tear this mother, OW! We gonna tear this mother, OW! You gotta real type of crane, going down, getting down, there’s a whole lot of ribbon going ’round.

Actual Lyric: We want the funk, gotta have the funk, we need the funk, gotta have that funk. We gonna turn this mother out. We gonna turn this mother out. You gotta real type of thing, going down, getting down, there’s a whole lotta rhythm going ’round.

 

Sometimes I giggle, sometimes I have to make sure I’m singing it right.

*Note: Lady Gaga one may not be safe for work, just fyi.*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*tap* *tap* *tap*

This thing still works, right?

Gosh, y’all, I am so sorry I haven’t been around. I am *failing* at this whole Being a Mom, a Wife and a Big Bad University Student thing. I’m not sure why I am barely surviving it, but it’s planning on killing me by December, and I’m determined to not let it.

Of course, it doesn’t help that my husband now lives 614 miles away (where he works) and I only see him every few weeks. No, we aren’t getting divorced.

I have had to drop two classes since the beginning of the semester, putting me under full-time student status, which ticks me off, but I can’t juggle everything at once until I get used to juggling everything at once. Clear as mud, right?

I wanted to write about my experience at the Inner-City school that we visited in my Education class, but it feels like forever since then. Let me just say that the experience was good but SO sad.

I wanted to write about the fact that I had to drop TWO classes because strep throat swept through my house like the bubonic plague and my son has been put in speech therapy and I needed a morning every week that I could use to refresh my brain and not have to rush to classes after the ten other things I had to do.

I wanted to write about how much of a whiner I am that I can’t handle everything, all because my husband isn’t here, he’s there, and I would suck at being a single mom. But I am also in awe of mothers that do it themselves, because parenting is hard.

I wanted to write about my son’s school pictures and how I forgot about them and rushed him to school with a somewhat dirty face and how in his pictures he has dirt on his face and I feel so *bad* about it, but not bad enough for re-takes.

I wanted to write about how I was so excited about the iPhone 4s that I practically begged my husband for one for my birthday, which is not very far away. He said he’ll get me one. I love that man.

I wanted to write about how for our anniversary (which is also coming up soon), I asked for a gun, because living by myself is not the most mind-easing thing I’ve ever done.

I wanted to write about the Wall Street protests, because they scare the crap out of me.

I wanted to write about my professor that wants us to call History “herstory” – and how I laughed out loud until I realized she was serious.

I wanted to write about how I’ve found Foster the People (a band) and how they complete me and make my soul happy.

I wanted to write about how now that I have a Macbook, I have totally taken a huge swig of the Apple Kool-Aid and I want at least two of  everything that they make.

But all those things came and went and now it’s almost Halloween and I probably haven’t been here in a month. I suck.

Sorry.

Hope y’all are around, because it’s about to get more entertaining.

The Keeper of All Things….

I’m not sure how this happened, but apparently everyone in my house is insane. I say this because the moment I married my husband, I was promoted to The Keeper of All Things In the House. I’m not sure how this happened, and it didn’t come with a crown (which I’m very bitter about) or any kind of cool uniform or anything, it just happened. And I think my family is insane because of it.

Here’s the thing about being the Keeper of All Things in the House: I don’t know where all the things are. No idea, actually. Blissfully unaware most of the time, even.

My son? He knows where every freaking toy he’s ever gotten from McDonalds ever is located. I? Can’t find my backpack three seconds after I sit it down in the afternoons. I’ve also lost every single scrunchy I’ve ever owned within two days. I run around my house every morning screaming things like, “Where are my keys?”, “Where are my pants?”, “Where’s my breakfast?”, “Where are my keys NOW?”.

So I ask you, how did I get this elevated status in my household? Why would my family do this to me? Are they Actually Insane?

Here are some Actual Conversations about missing things over the last few days, which I will contrast with things I’ve lost and where I’ve found them when (hardly) anyone was around…..

Conversations with Others:

  • Son: Mama, where’s my backpack?
    Me: Where’d you put it?
    Son: Right where you’re sitting. Why don’t you know where it is?
    Me: Because I am not the keeper of the things. Check the hook in the hallway.
    Son: FOUND IT! Thanks Mom!
  • Daughter: Mama, where are my clothes?
    Me: In your drawers.
    Daughter: Oh, ok.
  • McHusband: Where’s the toothpicks?
    Me: Honey, I have no idea, I haven’t used them.
    McHusband: You hid them?
    Me: *sigh* NO. I haven’t *used* them.
    McHusband: But why don’t you know where they are?
    Me: Because they aren’t something I use.
    McHusband: (pouty face) But. But you know where everything is.
    Me: OHMYGOD. NO. I. DON’T.
Now, here are things I’ve Actually Lost & where I found them, over the last few days:
  • My phone. Where was it? I was on it.
  • My backpack. It was on my bed, under a blanket. Which I was also under.
  • My iPod. Which was in my backpack. I went to the car to look for it five times.
  • My phone. Again. Yep, still on it.
  • My glasses. They were on my face. I did this three times.
Apparently? I can find other people’s things, but not mine.
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